Lu-Lu-Lucy's Rant

Picking up the mess | Living life | sans tiger-parents


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Thank you, mother monster

Never thought I’d say this but I gotta thank mother monster for treating me like garbage for most of my life. I now understand why I was such a doormat – as a girlfriend, a friend and most of all, a daughter. Now that I am able to look back and see it as part of my past, I recognize that I never wanted anyone to feel belittled, abandoned or ridiculed… Nor any hostility, sadness, fear or self-loathing because of my words, my attitude or my behaviour.

It took many years to let things go, and I have not 100%. But with the support of my hubster and a few close friends, I know that my perspective and attitude have shifted and I’m on my way to healing.

I choose to consciously turn this people-pleasing trait into constructive compassion and empathy. I am hopeful that my decision of going into nursing will align more closely with my personality, beliefs and values. I am certainly more in touch with who I am and why I stand so strongly for or against certain situations/people.

My good friend, Sam, once told me that she is in fact unable to think negatively. (!!) Being the pessimist that I used to be, I was quite astonished at her “inability” to be negative. For my 2016 new year’s resolutions, I decided that my #1 goal was to “be positive!”

Every time that I was about to talk me into self-sabotage, I recall what Sam said. I try to exercise my brain into the habit of kicking out the unnecessary and negative thoughts, as I read somewhere that brains are like muscles – they remember chemically how and what we react to. (Check this link: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/10/how-to-get-rid-of-anger/ )

Overall, I have been experiencing calm and peace in a huge way. I hope to continue on this path to mental healthiness and peace within.

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“Lifestyle Bloggers” – Whaaaaaaa??

So, someone please explain to me what is up with these Lifestyle Bloggers? My understanding of them, or what I observe mainly on Instagram, is that you carefully flaunt the nice shits you have (sometimes, sponsored) in a staged, ungenuine manner.

To each their own. I have no qualms with people blogging about their shit or their followers. Just that, it appears most of the time, the shits are expensive AF that no normal working person with even an above average wage can afford…

As a reference, “lifestyle” as defined by:

  • the Oxford Dictionaries: the way in which a person lives
  • http://www.dictionary.com: the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group

I guess my complaint boils down to this: I’d like to see some realistic lifestyle bloggers? Do they exist? Like, go buy this $12 tee from whatever store, instead of some $400 tank top? Surely, there are not so well off people out there other than me self??

Random rant. That is all.

 


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Learning how to ski at 34

If anyone had told me even two years ago that I would learn how to ski at the ripe, old age of 34, I would’ve laughed in their face. I would’ve told them my body is too old for that shit.

We hear that quite often, don’t we?

“I am too old to party!”

“I am too old to start over!”

“I am too old to *insert verb*!”

I whole-heartedly believed in that shit.

Until, in my 30’s, I learned how to draw. I taught myself 3D-modeling. I learned how to ski. Yes, my hubster is a ski instructor – but it is always the instructors who express shock that we didn’t get divorced over the ordeal! I have to say my hubster is super duper patient and such a great teacher. He didn’t mind hanging out with me night after night on the bunny hill while I practiced, surrounded by three or four year olds whipping by on tiny skis or snowboards.

Speaking of them wee toddlers skiing, they were a huge inspiration to my learning how to ski. I see these cute little things bundled up, flying down the hill. If they fall or crash, they get right back up. No fear. No complaints. Don’t give a shit if it’s cold af, snot running down their little nosies.

More often than not, I see a small class of wee todds coming down a blue run while I’m going up the chairlift. I would talk myself into going down the same run, only to regret it as soon as I had gone beyond the point of no return.

I didn’t have the happiest of childhood. Now, I yearn to live like a child. To embrace that innocence of having no fear, of never having been defeated, of not feeling tired, of not having been told “you can’t do it”…. I want to live life with a clean slate. My mother did not give me that, but I choose to give it to myself.

I feel (hope) that the days of hatin’ on the monsters are over. I don’t want to waste another second thinking about “if only they had…” I need to live my life. Everything they never taught me as a parent, I will now teach myself.

I don’t want to be bound by the constraints of the society.

I don’t want to live by what’s socially acceptable and what’s not.

I want to approach the world with this fierce, unapologetic curiosity of a child.

The way I see it, we are never too old for anything.

I get it, we get hurt along the way. Shit happens. Somewhere along the journey, we learn and hold onto fear, to pre-brace for the falls. But we mustn’t forget to live life! Shit happens, deal with what you got as best you can, and that’s the best any of us can do.

 


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Pet peeve @work.

When I fill the kettle at work and put it to a boil, how is it that my coworkers think it’s OK to use up all the hot water?! They won’t even refill it even though my mug is right beside the kettle! Blasphemy!!! Such inconsiderate people I work with! I always refill the kettle when it’s getting close to empty, and I don’t even mind making hot water for everyone. But can’t they see my empty mug sitting there, obviously in line for some hot water? Haven’t they realized that hot water always magically appears in the kitchen?! Do they think Genie works in our office too?

If everyone would just be a little bit less selfish, who knows, the world could be a better place.